Those Days When…

Posted: January 28, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

I feel like I want to stuff myself into my closet and cry. I want to be alone and let all the sadness that has built up in my chest out. As you can tell, yes, it’s one of those days. Those days where you were expecting something and did not get close to that at all.

Now I’m reading depressing song lyrics, listening to depressing songs, and listening to the sound of the rain falling outside alongside the tears that are locked up in me. I want to let everything out and forget, but I know that it’s impossible. It’s impossible for me to ever let go of this feeling until something else throws it out and replaces it. I try so hard to be as perfect as I can be, but it’s never enough.

You see, I’m not at all like most girls. I don’t wear make up, I don’t really dress up all fancy when I go outside even though I do enjoy dressing up sometimes, I don’t read sappy love stories, and I don’t like One Direction. While all the girls I know are  raving about Les Miserables, I’m listening and hoping that no one cares if I saw it. I don’t seem to fit in; and that hurts.

But like every other girl, I do want to be accepted. I want the guy I like to like me back, but it isn’t going too well. Honestly, it sucks. It sucks so badly that I want to cry just thinking about it. You see, I’m not the only one who likes him. There are at least two other girls who do; and they are so much prettier than I am. If he were to chose, I’m not even sure if he would look at me for at least a second. On top of that, they flirt with him all the time, therefore making it difficult for me to even talk to him. And he knows that I like him because someone told him that I did. Ugh. I’m sorry to burden you with my problems, but it must be done. I can no longer hide this pain in my chest.

It hurts. It sucks. It stops my world even if he doesn’t know that.

So I guess it’s time for me to get into that closet. Until then…

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Comments
  1. Emily Z. says:

    Cris, I understand. I am going through these same problems, and I’m only ten. I could say more, but I need to go eat supper. But, one last thing:

    Even if we are going through a depression, we have to remember that there are people who love us, and don’t care who we are. And, sometimes, it may be a long time before you know who that person is.

  2. Flynnred8 says:

    I’m sorry Cris, glad my joke helped!!!! But I understand not fitting in, I don’t wear makeup either, and feel a little unplugged because I don’t have a phone (by choice my parents are okay with me having one) But I just hope you realize that the fact that you don’t fit in makes you special, makes you stand out, and makes you a writer!

  3. ceej3bball says:

    I totally understand! I want to let you know that I was scrolling through your blog, loving your stories, then I saw this and I just.. stared. Not only are you a FABULOUS writer, you’re honest too. 😛
    I don’t wear make-up either, jeans and t-shirts are my style, don’t watch very many movies, etc. The thing I have most in common, I believe, with you though is the boy thing. I too desperately want this guy to like me back. I too have two other, much more popular, girls who like him too. They are flirty and, well, rich. I’m only telling you because I want you to know that someone understands.
    Sorry for writing a novel instead of a comment!
    Love your blog and hope things get better. 🙂

    • Aww thanks so much!
      And ugh it’s terrible, isn’t it? But, as I like to say, it’s life–we can’t do anything about it. So I try to stick to my books. 😛
      Haha it’s totally fine. I love reading long comments! It makes me feel accomplished, so thank you.
      I shall be posting new stuff soon so keep on the lookout for that!

      • ceej3bball says:

        “It’s life.” I like it! You’re right, you know. Life is filled with ups and downs, swerves and turns, and somtimes some pot-holes. It’s a long, winding road. I’m enjoying the journey, and right now I’m just at a little bump. I think it will be worth it in the long run. 😀
        Reading is my escape!
        (Another long comment, but since you don’t mind, I’m not gonna apologize haha.)

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