Posts Tagged ‘School’

Under Pressure

Posted: November 21, 2013 in Life
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I seriously need to stop spending time on the internet. It’s eating up my time. It’s eating me ALIVEEEE!!!

Drama aside, I really should pull myself together. I’m failing Physics. I’m way behind in my studies. I can’t finish my novel. I don’t have time to do things I’ve been planning to do.

The thing is, I can’t concentrate on anything. I only do things if I feel like it. Or if someone else is watching. Or if I’m in trouble.

It’s time for me to turn the tables and set my priorities straight. I’ve been telling myself this over and over again for the past few months.

And yet, nothing has happened. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I still have no idea why I’m sharing this trivial information about my life to you all, but I have no one else to dump this burden on. I’m sick and tired of telling myself that I’ll do something. When, in reality, I can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t concentrate solely on school. It shouldn’t be that hard, but it is.

I’m tired. But at the same time, I want to do something. I want to be more than just the high schooler who spends most of her time in front of her laptop. I want to excel. I want to finish my novel. I want to get to my other hobbies. Not worry about school.

College is just around the corner for me, and I’m afraid that I’ll keep going in this cycle. The cycle of going through the motions without gaining any information. It sucks.

I’ll do my best to change this. I will.

But for now, I need to share this burden.

 I hope you can pull yourself together as I try to pull myself together. Peace to you, reader.

The F-word

Posted: November 1, 2013 in Uncategorized
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No, not the curse word. The other one that we hate the most: Failure. 

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling like I’m a failure. That I can’t live up to anything. That I can’t be good enough. I was one-third of a percent from qualifying for an award for school based on my SAT score. I was three questions away from passing my permit test. 

But I’ve thought of it, and failure is actually not so bad. Failure is just a detour from success. Sure, you can fail once, twice, or even more than three times, but you are always given the chance to try to succeed. No one can take that right away from you. I’m not sure if I’m saying this for you readers or for myself, but I guess this is a good lesson for all of us. I will take the SAT test again. And I will pass that permit test. It’s not the end of the road (haha, see what I did there?). Life will go on. 

Don’t let failure get in the way of success.

As we all know, school is right around the corner (or maybe it’s started for you already). In my area, school starts tomorrow. While I don’t have to worry about school and the pressure and anxiety it gives people (since I am homeschooled and started three weeks ago), I thought I’d make a little post for those of you who are headed into the new school year. I thought maybe some tips can help? I don’t have much experience with going to school, but I have a good idea of what it probably feels like. For those of you who aren’t in school, I guess you can

1) Be yourself. Yes, that is the most important tip I can give you. You can even make it your motto to live by. I’ve tried so many times to change who I am just to make certain people like me or to join a group of “cool” people. Shoot, throw that philosophy away. If your friends now don’t like you, dump them and find other people who share your interests. It’ll help, I promise! I hate seeing people try so hard to change just to be friends with someone. Be yourself, and don’t let anyone else define you because you are you.

2) Have some confidence. I know it’s hard to be confident in yourself. I don’t mean you have to pull some awesome parkour trick to show that you have lots of confidence. Just carry yourself in a way that says “yup, I feel good about myself” because, trust me, it’ll help you immensely in dealing with haters. If you’re the shy type, I don’t mean you have to suddenly try to become an outgoing person if you’re not. Just have confidence in yourself that you’ll do well in school, that you will make friends or keep your friends that you have now.

3) Try to keep yourself away from drama. School is supposed to be for learning, not for a mini TV series. A lot of my friends who go to school have different stories about school. I can tell who really wants to make it far in school and who just goes to school for drama. Drama is a nasty thing. I went to a homeschool supplemental group for the past three years, and people just love to start drama left and right. It’s crazy! But people like drama. If you are not involved in any of the gossip going around, please steer clear from it. I guarantee you, your life will be 1,000 times better without it. I mean you can’t keep drama away from you forever, but try to keep it at a low percentage.

4) Let the haters hate. Yes, I said it. You can’t have everyone love you. I don’t know how to explain it, but you just can’t. If someone is constantly bothering you, don’t say anything because those bullies/haters like getting a negative reaction from you. Shrug it off and keep going. (Confidence is needed.)

5) Tell yourself that you’re awesome. You might not think that about yourself, but when you speak positive things about yourself, you actually feel happier. Build someone else up too! Let me be the first to tell you that you are awesome, and you can make it through this school year (or whatever you’re going through right now).

I really hope that you read all of this and start doing what I’ve listed here because I really have found this to be true and helpful in my life. Have an amazing school year!

Till the next post… Ciao!

The title basically sums it up. This post is pretty much about my life as of now.

I’m doing a bunch of school stuff, mainly studying for the SAT on June 1st. Other than that, my Memorial Day weekend will be spent with my cousin for her graduation from college! So I am really excited for that. However, I am quite disappointed that I’ll be missing prom this Saturday. Oh well. I still have Senior Prom to look forward to next year!

I can say, though, that you all must see Iron Man 3. The storyline, effects, and Robert Downey, Jr. are amazing. Also, stay until the end of the credits for a pleasant surprise!

Since school is almost out, I am looking forward to resting and reading and having fun! But for now… life is in the doldrums since nothing interesting is really happening save for piles of schoolwork. Also, I don’t have any creative juices running through me lately so I haven’t come up with any awesome posts. Yet, have no fear! I shall make sure to post a lot in the summer. I’ll probably be posting some more updates on life later on since I consider this blog my online diary.  Stay awesome!

This is a short story I wrote, which is one of, if not, the only love stories I’ve ever written. I hope you enjoy it!

You smiled again, and that smile broke the dull silence in my head. It wasn’t intended for me, yet I smiled back. You didn’t see me smiling back at you because I was hidden behind your friends.

She says she likes you, but she hasn’t told you yet. I listen to her stories and wonder if you like her too. She’s a player, I’ve been told. She loves well and dumps hard. I’m not her best friend, just her acquaintance.

She hugs you every time she sees you, but you always remain immobile. I wonder, as you talk to her, if you have any feelings towards her. She talks to you almost all the time, while I stand by and watch. To bring myself to talk to you is as dangerous as walking into a land of mines.

I tell myself over and over again, “I can’t fall in love, I can’t fall in love.” I constantly remind myself about what happened the last time I fell in love. We were never together, but I loved him so much. Until now, seeing his face pains my heart. But you, out of all people, are beginning to replace him. You, who many girls are after; you, out of all the guys in the world; you, whose smile brightens my day; you, who I am trying hard not to love.

Today, I heard that she told you she likes you. You’re so unreadable that I can’t tell if you told her that you liked her as well or not.

I come home with a horrible feeling of uneasiness in my stomach, wishing I had her confidence. I want to know what you told her, but asking one of your friends would cause them to speculate about me. Yes, that’s me. Living in denial.

You’re happy. Laughing and smiling more than you usually do. Her hand is clasped tightly in yours. She looks up at you, and you both smile. This time, I don’t smile back at you. I look away, feeling my eyes sting.

I should have known it was going to end this way. After all, you wouldn’t actually fall in love with me, would you?

I race down the hall, wishing for the bell to ring, for my next class to begin. I try my best to fight the tears that are trying to show how I feel. As soon as I turn one more corner, I stop and sink to the floor, still fighting back the tears.

It’s quiet here, and I know I can stay here for quite a while before my next class starts. If I go back to where I saw you, I wouldn’t be able to hold back any more tears. Who am I to even cry over you? You don’t even know me.

A week passes by, and I don’t see you at all. I see her and ask where you are, but she doesn’t answer.

What happened to you? Did I miss something? Have you moved? I ask your friends, and they laugh at my worried tone. Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Another three days pass, and I’ve somewhat put you aside. I need my grades to remain high, to forget you. I attempt to pull out my homework sheets from under the many books that I am trying to hold. I fail to do so successfully and collide into a student.

To my surprise, that student is you. You smile, causing my feelings for you to rush back into my being. My heart is right about to burst. No, no! I can’t be like this again!

“You’re back,” I say bluntly.

Your smile brightens. “Yeah, I am.”

You hand me my homework sheets and the last of my books. I tell you thank you.

Before I go, your lips buzz my cheek and you smile at me again. My heart flutters. Were you serious?

***

I look at you from the corner of my eye as I talk to her and her friends. You’re so beautiful. Today, you smiled at me.

She’s in love with me, but I’m not.

I hope you find my note in your books. Is it possible that you love me back?